Permission to Parent
Not long ago Anna and I came across and article by Rod Arters which we thought was funny and interesting, but also something a lot of parents need to see. Some of these seem like no brainers, but it’s nice to see Biblical foundation for them any way. (I haven’t taken the time to look up each of these Scriptures to validate that they say what the author claims they say, but I encourage you to do so.) Without further adu…
God’s Word gives parents permission to:
- Instruct our children (Deut 6:7; Eph 6:4)
- Correct our children (Prov 3:11-12)
- Discipline our children (Eph 6:4; Heb 12:7-10)
- Ask tough questions to our children and address poor behavior (1Sam 2:22-24; Judg 14:3)
- Make the decision in where to lead our families (Joshua 24:15)
- Say “NO” to our children (Col 2:21) You can say “NO” to activities, friendships, clothing, music, etc.
- Confront our children (1Sam 2:22-24)
- Speak with authority toward our children. After all, God placed us “in charge.” (Deut. 6:7)
- Expect respect from our children (Ex 20:12; Eph 6:1-3)
- Enforce consequences on our children’s sin (Lev 10:1-3; 1Sam 15)
- Change our minds (Ex 32:14; Jer 26:19; Amos 7:3,6)
- Make judgments regarding our children (Zech 8:16)
- Expect more from our children (Gen 4:6-7)
- Treat each child uniquely, according to their needs (Gen 48:1-19; John 21:20-23)
- Inspect our child’s bedroom (tent) for things “under the ban” (Joshua 7)
- Determine what our children wear (Gen 3:21; Lev 8:1-9) eat (Lev 11, Acts 10:9-15) do (Ex 3:1-10) and where they go (Gen 12:1)
- Be consistent with our children (Heb 13:8)
- Set boundaries for our children (Hos 2:6-7) Curfew, modesty, etc.
- Test the heart of our children (Deut 8:2, 13:3)
- Require a pleasant countenance from our children (Gen 4:6)
- Require an appropriate tone of voice from our children (Ex 20:12; Eph 4:29)
- Expect immediate obedience from our children (1Sam 9:1-5)
[12-17-07 Edit – It has come to my attention that I may have misrepresented the original article and presented these bullet points out of context. I do apologize for any misunderstanding. As stated in the comment below by Mr. Arters himself, these scriptures are not meant to be “proof texts” for the point listed. Please see his comment for a more complete explanation, and check out his website, www.rodarters.com , for the complete article. It is worth reading. I don’t post it here simply for time’s sake.)
About The Author
Preacher Dad
Jarod has been a pastor, construction worker, restaurant manager, ministry administrator, children's story teller, author....in no particular order. At heart he is passionate about the Truth, and has been called to proclaim that Truth from an early age. He is committed to his wife and eight children, and seeks to have a lasting impact upon the future by discipling his family. He blogs at PreacherDad.com on parenting, preparing, and cultural impact.
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Dont forget stoning at the city gate
Good post, with good content as far as I can see. I did not read the Scriptures that support each point. However, it does seem that there are so many accompanying truths that Americans need to grasp before we can properly understand the meanings of many of the points in the outline.
Among them are issues of emotional maturity, that are manifested in *how* these points are carried out; understanding one’s identity in Christ; and relating to fellow man (even if they are your children) in a manner that respects them as a person and honors our Creator. 
Good words to counteract the wrong perspective that’s so often accepted on child-rearing today. I would be interested in looking those verses up…very insightful!
~Sarah
I would tend to agree with Cummins Music. It all depends on the attitude of the parent and how they fulfill the responsibilities listed here. There is nothing quite as confusing and discouraging to a child as a parent who grumpily demands that a child change their attitude. Or, like I saw once, a parent angrily yelling at a child, “Don’t raise your voice at me!!” :-/
I would agree that many people today need to be given “permission” to take charge and be the parent rather than just do whatever the child wants from infancy. However, I have also seen that there are many people who don’t understand how to shepherd a child and make them feel cared for. To them, such a list might seem like permission to demand outward performance rather than being willing to admit their own shortcomings and walk with the child through learning life’s lessons.
And then there is the issue of where childhood ends and adulthood begins and whether or not the parents should change their approach at that time.
Thanks for sharing this list – I copied and pasted it into one of my files.
So is this one better???
ryc: thank you. I love you everyday too…well, almost.
Ok, ok…I really do…but I’m still trying to mend my wounds over you stealing my sister away from me! It’s really hard to forgive you for that one….sigh.
Sure wish I had that list a while back. 🙂 Mabye we hit the mark on a couple of them anyway.
ryc: Amen to that~ and GREAT is the Lord and WORTHY to be praised!!!!
You!
ryc: Some comment! You should check back at my site..with Anna! Love you two, um, three!!
this question is unrelated to this post: do you ever go by “preacher jarod” when leaving comments on certain blogs? like…say perhaps the Rhett&Link blog or something? just curious…
haha that is so funny. i read that comment on the r&l blog and when i saw “preacher jarod” I thought “that HAS to be jarod hinton” 🙂 if you watched the last 5 minutes of their first live broadcast, i was the user that asked them to say hi to “quincy”…
i actually think it is indirectly your fault that i am a rhett&link junkie 🙂 if i remember the sequence correctly, you found it and showed your siblings, who then showed me, and i have enlightened countless millions…(ok…exaggeration…but if you hang around our house long enough, you will find out who they are)
we’re so happy for you and anna. i’m sure i’ll hear the screams of joy when the baby arrives…this week when i was at your fam’s house we were talking about how fast that exciting day is coming.
i can’t wait to meet your kid next time you guys come visit the grandparents, aunts and uncles 🙂
grace and peace to you and anna both these next few weeks…
ryc: thank you for your concern for my client. I told him I found *the boots* and was unable to leave his house without him giving me $30.00 (though he Still wants to buy me a new pair ha), I’m Quite happy with my red ones
hope all is well ~
thanks for the comment…and the prayers! Your comments always make me laugh and thank you for it!
Trust me…if I had the money, I wouldn’t hesitate to have y’all come (and maybe you could smuggle Lynn and Matt into your suitcases) =) I can’t wait to see/hear about your little one! Mom and I are praying for y’all everyday. Matt sent us the little e-mail clip with the baby’s heart beat!!!! It was sooooo exciting! I got shivers hearing it! Can’t wait!
Thanks again bro! =D
~A~
Just stumbled across your blog. I took your challenge and looked up many of the verses, and I’d encourage you to do the same. Most of the statements are good common parenting sense, but I think that many, if not most of the scriptures used absolutely do not support the statements at all. Some are badly taken out of context, some refer to Biblical accounts (which as I’m sure you know, do not equal Biblical commands/permission), and some are simply very poor hermaneutical interpretation.
Dear Pastor Jarod,
Thank you for posting a portion of my article, “Permission to Parent”. I’d be interested to learn how you came across it. I have enjoyed reading the many comments on it.
As with anyone’s writings there is always room for improvement in regards to communicating clearly. Unfortunately, the magazine column I write for each month only allows 900 words and therefore I do not have the freedom to elaborate or explain some points or principles as I would desire. As you know, there is more to the article than just what you posted on your site. The others are only reading the bulleted points not within the context of the rest of the article. Having said that, I never intended for the verses listed to become the proof-text as to why a parent should do the principle suggested. Rather, I wanted to show that God models the principle mentioned in the various verses. Parents have permission to inspect their child’s room simply because they are parents – just as God has permission to inspect Achan’s tent (Joshua 7) simply because He is God. We live in a culture where parents do not exercise their God given rights and feel they need permission in order to parent. All my article was intending to say is “God gives you permission – now be a parent! And here are some examples of how God parents us in the same way!” I can only hope that those that read it would interpret it in a light most favorable to myself and assume that I am not attempting “very poor hermaneutical” gymnastics. 🙂 Anyway, I am always challenged by the occasional critic (particularly a Berean – Acts 17:11) and trust they are there from the Lord (II Samuel 16:11). If you or anyone else is interested in reading more poor hermaneutically interpreted articles written by myself (or the full length article being discussed), please visit http://www.rodarters.com. I am sure I’ll be dubbed a heretic before too long.